I’ve been feeling lonely since I got back to Cebu. Damn, never thought I’d feel this way when I get back. I hate times like these for it makes me think about how I get along with other people and makes me ask if I am born a loner or was it by choice? Either way, it’s a sad thought. Because it all boils down to how pathetic my life is. Born a loner would mean people can’t stand me, a loner by choice would mean I can’t stand other people. The end result, I don’t have anyone that I could hang out with anytime that I want to. The people around me has their own lives and I definitely wouldn’t want to get in the way. For some, well, it’s true, I can’t stand them at times for all we could talk about is work or worse, they would usually talk about themselves. I couldn’t blame them though, for most of them are from work and we don’t have much in common aside from work and the rest well, some people couldn’t help themselves. I am guilty of the crime every now and then too. Sometimes, I just want to have someone who won’t talk about work and not talk just about themselves. Well, yeah I know that it’s tough to come up with things to say but you know sometimes some people would just want to have someone to sit with. I guess I crave for some mind stimulating conversation every now and then or hang out with someone but just sit there without saying anything. Sometimes people get comfort on knowing that someone is there with you but are technically not there for they don’t say a word. I don’t know if you get what I mean for I don’t think I was able or will be able to put it in words. But don’t you just wish to sit outside and watch people go by and not say anything but you feel secured for someone’s there sitting beside you? I guess this is the reason why I like putting extra hours at work. For it makes my mind work and takes my mind off these things.

My health isn’t going well… I have a bad case of colds (been over a week now) and have rashes due to my allergy all over my body. I can handle my colds but my rashes are pretty bad. I feel really warm and my body feels itchy. I wonder if I can get to work today…

I learned that he has a girlfriend today and boy, was i disappointed. Well, he’s cute so I had a notion that he has a girlfriend but getting a confirmation that he has sure did affect me and my day. Now, am really thinking, how come I can never have someone that I like? Is this what I get for being choosy? Imagine, this is the first time that I truly like someone who is within reach and yet he isn’t available. Although, it’s not an assurance that he’ll be mine even if he doesn’t have a girlfriend but I’d be happier if he didn’t have any. I am thinking maybe, this is my life. I am bound to be alone.

I love to eat basically to know how a food tastes like. You could say that it is part of my learning experience to be a better cook. One of the recipes that I am very interested in is lumpiang shanghai (meat roll) and I have tasted a lot of good tasting lumpia. But I also had some bad tasting ones. Like the one that I am having now. The wrapper is crispy, you can smell the meat but it tastes salty!  Too bad… Sometimes I wonder why some people can’t get the fact that salt is there to add or enhance the natural flavor of the food, not to over power the taste. Tsk, tsk, tsk…

A friend approached me to tell me that she likes someone.  Funny, but you know how girls are.  They would usually talk about the person they like.  Maybe I’m the only one who doesn’t have the guts to tell other people that I like someone.  But I’m wondering what if one day, because I don’t like talking about the person I like or couldn’t even dare say the name of the person I like, someone comes up to me to tell me that they like the person I like too?  Do I have the right to get mad?  I guess not, in the first place, that person didn’t know that I liked the guy and then, I am not in a relationship with the guy so I guess that gave me no right to be mad.  However, how should one react if one is placed in that situation?  What if I liked the person that she likes too and she told me about it?  Should I just keep quiet or should I say I like him too?  Hmmm…

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Ok, work stresses me out, but my stress at work cannot compare to my stress with this “Guy”. You know, I should be happy because finally, I “met” someone that I like who is within reach… But no… Why? Because I think he’s ignoring me. Literally… Imagine being in a room together but he wouldn’t even say anything to me. Imagine that? We would even stand next to one another (a couple of times) for a couple of minutes but he wouldn’t say anything to me. Not even a simple word like Hello. Imagine! He would talk to my friends but not me. Sheeshh! And worse, I couldn’t tell my friends who he and that I like him for I am sure that he will learn about it sooner or later. And I could ask them about him either for they would start teasing me about it. Could you just imagine my stress? I hope I’ve never seen this guy or even learned that he existed. Argghhhh…

I’ve always wanted to learn the chinese language.  Thanks to my friend who lent me her copy of the Mandarin lessons that she is taking, my lessons will start today.  I’ve always been interested with this language for aside from the fact that this language is a good language for doing business back home, it’s also a way for me get in touch of my heritage.  I think it is my responsibility to learn the language as it is my responsibility to know the Filipino language.  I guess this is the reason why my dad felt bad that I failed my chinese classes back when I was a kid.  I guess, I never saw the importance of the learning the language back then.  I jsut hope that it won’t be as hard as learning the Bisaya dialect. Sheesh, I’ve been in Cebu for almost 4 years now and yet I couldn’t get my accent and my grammar right.  Tsk!

I attended the birthday party of our Senior Operations Manager last night.  They served shrimps, beef, lechon and chicken gordon bleu.  The chicken was amazing because it was juicy and the chicken flavor was not over powered by the other ingredients however, the beef wasn’t that impressive.  Although you can taste the cream in the sauce, the beef was a bit tough.  It could have been attributed by the way that the meat was cut.  Such a waste.  Anyhow the lechon was yummy, the meat was tender and fine, I guess it’s because the pig isn’t that big yet.   The shrimp was so, so.  It was suateed with carrots and red bell peppers.  Nothing really special, it tasted like shrimps in suateed vegetables. 

Most of my colleagues didn’t go there.  I guess it’s because it was a Sunday.  You know how it is, Sundays are family day so I guess most of them were tired to go out.  I guess that’s the reason it wasn’t that fun.  Our Operations Manager and some of my fellow team managers nagged me again about getting a boyfriend.  They said that my Christmas wouldn’t be lonely this year.  Hahaha, come to think it, it wouldn’t be too lonely if I get to go home.  Hmmm, so boss, how about that?  Send me home for Christmas.  Hahaha… Our SOM sang with his wife, I guess it was their song, a lovely couple :).  I wonder if I get a husband who could sing.  Hehehe… Anyway, Kriste gave us a ride home.  It was a miracle.  Hahaha… It has been a while since we asked him to give us a ride home which was always futile.  I don’t know what happened last night but he agreed right away.  At least we got to save taxi fare.