A friend approached me to tell me that she likes someone.  Funny, but you know how girls are.  They would usually talk about the person they like.  Maybe I’m the only one who doesn’t have the guts to tell other people that I like someone.  But I’m wondering what if one day, because I don’t like talking about the person I like or couldn’t even dare say the name of the person I like, someone comes up to me to tell me that they like the person I like too?  Do I have the right to get mad?  I guess not, in the first place, that person didn’t know that I liked the guy and then, I am not in a relationship with the guy so I guess that gave me no right to be mad.  However, how should one react if one is placed in that situation?  What if I liked the person that she likes too and she told me about it?  Should I just keep quiet or should I say I like him too?  Hmmm…

I have this site that I go to every now and then for I can relate to some of the entries that this guy puts up in his site.  I like his posts for he would normally put a qoute in the end which makes me stop and think for a while.  These past few days have been challenging for me for first, a friend had betrayed me (or so I and some of friends thought) and secondly I felt that I am not effective and effecient enough at work and so I felt like quitting (not to mention my bad ass colds that did nothing but try to make me stay in bed).  So today, I went to dropped by his site and saw this qoute:

“The better a man is, the more mistakes he will make, for the more new things he will try. I would never promote to a top-level job a man who was not making mistakes…otherwise he is sure to be mediocre.”
- Peter Druker

I realized when I read this qoute that I shouldn’t be too worried about making mistakes after all, in life or in my career, for what I should worry about is what should I be learning from the experience for me to prevent the same mistake to happen in the future.  For mistakes are there to teach us about the consequences of the actions that we make not to remind us how ineffecient we are as a person.  It is there to help mold us and in time make us the best person that we can be.

These past few days 2 of my friends (who do not know each other), at two different occasions, came up to me to warn me about someone who is close to me. They told me to be careful of that person for she is talking ill about me when my back is turned. Knowing this made my heart ache a lot for I’ve always thought we’re friends. That she doesn’t just see me as someone in the management team in a prestigious company but because we’re friends and she had the same level of respect and trust that I have for her. Have you remembered anyone saying that betrayal hurts a lot when it was the people whom you trust who betray you?  Just imagine a character in a movie where they found out that someone has betrayed them. It was as if the heavens have fallen unto their shoulders.  That’s exactly how I felt.  See, I’ve always thought that if the time will come that I need someone to defend me, she would be one of those people but I was wrong .  

I am a person who seldom talk about my feelings but last night, I really couldn’t help myself (guess, that’s the effect when you’re birthday is a few hours away), I became emotional that I had to talk to someone.  Because aside from the fact that someone had betrayed me, I also know that there are 2 reasons why people would talk ill behind your back.  One is either they envy you because you’re good at what you do that you threaten them as a person or that you really sucked.  I know people are talking behind my back all this time but that didn’t mean much for those were just my specualtions.  Having a confirmation is another thing but I would just usually brush it off and try to do better but right now, isn’t really my best times.  With all the stuff going on at work, let us say that my confidence is really low right now.  So, this thing really affected me.  For I am not just questioning myself about how good of a friend I am but I am also questioning my competency as a leader.

So as I was closing the old chapter in my life with a sad note, a friend who was kind enough to spend the last few hours before the new chapter in my life began, he told me to think of it as a starting point to reinvent myself.  Make a new version of me, just like a software.  He said that events happen in our lives to make us into the person that we are so one should learn from them to innovate themselves.  Then he said, maybe now is the time that you make Michy version 25.2.

What’s wrong with me? I am getting a new team and I am given a new responsibility and yet why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like I want to hide and go somewhere? Why do I feel like dreading each hour that my shift approaches? Huhuhu… And I feel that I am not as productive as I should be everytime I go to work. I go in late and I feel that I haven’t really accomplished anything. Why oh why? Among all the days, why now? Huhuhu… Maybe I should get sometime off before the transition team comes in… I don’t know what to do anymore. T_T  Help!!!!

An employee died due to a motorcycle accident last Saturday. They said he was in comatose for 2 days before his body finally gave up. It was a sad and tragic accident and I feel sorry for him and his family. I could just imagine how his wife, whom he left with a child, grieve for his passing. The thought of people grieving for me made me realize that I am not ready to leave this world yet. Leaving my family behind is something that I probably can never bear even in the after life. If it so happens that I will be leaving this world before my loved ones and spirits with unfinished business turn into ghosts to roam around the earth until their business is done, then I will be one of those ghosts until I could see that everything is well for my loved ones especially my parents. I just hope that the Lord given me more time in this world for me to spend it with my parents and friends and for me to accomplish my goals. For really, I am not ready to leave not yet…

I went to sleep last night with colds and woke up this morning with my colds going worse.  And to think I will be working tonight.  How can I handle calls later?  I really hate it when I have colds and I talk on the phone.  With a clogged nose, it really is hard to talk for you can’t breath through your nose.  You have to take in air through your mouth.  I am sure most of the customers would complain that they can’t understand what I say.  Hay, may I skip work later?

I am trying to help out a friend in fixing her pc.  I thought it was already fixed after I transferred the RAM card to another slot on her Toshiba Satellite 4320.  It worked but it didn’t last long.  Sheesh…  Now I have to research on how to get it working again.  I was just disappointed though cause it went back to it’s original state.  But anyhow, I am not giving up yet.  I haven’t really drilled down on the problem yet so I am pretty confident that I will be able to resolve it…  I just hope I will be able to do it soon.

I’ve always said to myself to always look beyond the signs for they can be deceiving.  But sometimes I just don’t listen.  Now, I am here thinking if I have truly seen it or did I just interprete his actions the way that I wanted to but it wasn’t really what he meant.  It does hurt you see, but who am I to blame anyone?  I was the one who mislead myself.  It just sucks though that it will not turn out the way I hoped it would.  But life must go on.  And besides, there is a higher possibility that I can keep one of the most important things in this world.  I might be able to keep a friend.

It has been awhile since I came down this route.  I guess along the way, I lost my liking on writing.  Some stuff happened along the way and made me think that I don’t want to write anymore.  I was feeling really low these past few months and wasn’t really in the mood of talking and stuff.  All these time all I wanted was to get away.  Talk to noone.  Stay home and sleep.  I did some freelance writing, rewriting articles.  Not really about writing what’s on your mind.  The articles was about wrestling and making movie reviews.  I did it for two months but I realized the time that I spent on writing it is not really worth it.  Well for one the pay isn’t that good and I did not enjoy.  It was the not enjoying it and the time that I needed to put into one article are the reasons that gave bigger impact on my decision to call it quits.  It consumed too much of my time that I can no longer do some things that I needed and wanted to do during my rest days.  Then came recent events and the reservation of not sharing what’s on my mind came back so I no longer want to write what’s going on in my life.  I guess you could say I went back to my shut the world out of my life state.  But I guess when you started to like something, it will eventually come back to you.  It seems that I missed writing on this blog.  Writing down what I wanted to say and share it with other people.  Although it’s not a guarantee that I will be writing everything down but atleast, I will be writing again.