I watched a movie entitled “The Perfect Stranger”. I’m not sure if you’ve seen it but I’m guessing that not a lot of people have seen. It is a movie about a girl who had a conversation with Jesus Christ when she went on a trip to get away from her parents who were “nagging” her to believe in Christianity. I’m not going to narrate the whole movie but there was this interesting part of their conversation where “Jesus” told her that he hates religion because it made things appear as rules to its believers. Just like going to church, for some religion, it is a rule that you go to church in a certain day of the week. For some, its Sundays while others it’s on Saturdays and etc. For my religion it’s a Sunday. I watched the movie on a Saturday so the next day as I was preparing to go to church, it suddenly struck me. Hey, I don’t really have to go to church every Sunday. God never set the rule that everybody should go to church every Sunday. The important thing is you believe in Him. So I said to myself, I’m not going to church today. I’ll go when I want to go. But a little while later, I realized that things only become rules when we start to consider them as rules. It’s like setting a rule that your black pants should be hanged on white hangers. If you consider going to church or believing in God as a rule then it becomes a rule. If you choose to go to church because you believe in God then that’s a completely different thing. See this is the common mistakes of some people. They are too religious that they tend to see the word of GOD as rules which have to be followed. And in turn they miss out on a lot of things. They stick to the rules of their religion that they end up making decisions that makes other people suffer. Like for instance, there are religions that prohibit blood transfusion. They said that blood is very sacred and we shouldn’t be putting other people’s blood into our bodies for that will impure our blood or something. And whatever happens to us is God’s will, which is really outrageous. Why then did God impart this knowledge to man? Why then did man discover this knowledge? Isn’t it because God wants us to use it to preserve the life that he has given us?
Having watched the movie I realized that I too thought about the things that has to do with the church are rules. Like the Pharisees, I looked at the bible as a book of rules. A book of what is to be done and things that we shouldn’t do. But it is not a book of rules. It was supposed to be a declaration of God’s love to his people. I guess this is the reason why I stopped attending the religious affiliation that my mom and used to belong to. I wasn’t really clear about it before but now I know why. It is because they are imposing a lot of things to their members when it shouldn’t be. Just like setting the rule of tithe giving and the sharing of your problems. It may good for people sharing their experiences because that will help other people in certain ways. That will give other people ideas on how to handle situations that are similar to the situations that other people have faced. But the imposing of tithes and rules on how a member should act in the society? No. I don’t mind giving the tithes but you shouldn’t force people to do so. I can understand that some people only make enough income for their needs. We shouldn’t make other people suffer for the sake of the rules.
So now, I no longer go to church on Sundays because the people in the church said so. That people are supposed to go to church on Sundays. I now go to church on a Sunday because I want to offer and spend an hour of my life listening to God’s words. Because I’m not there for the people of the church but because I believe in God and I want to spend time with him.
A lot of people are wondering why I don’t have a boyfriend yet. Well, guess what? I’m asking the same question myself! At times, I stare at my reflection on the mirror and I usually like what I’m seeing. I’m not that dumb. I have a good paying job. I finished school although it’s not a Bachelors Degree but I did finish school. I’m not as stylish as the other girls but people say I’m not bad looking. In fact they even like the way I project myself.
I don’t wear makeup but they really like my style. People say that I am nice and that I’m a wife material since I know how to cook. But why is it that nobody ever dared to ask me out? I swear, I never went out on a date because nobody asked me out ever! So I’m really wondering what men think of me. Do they see me as a tomboy? Goodness, I know for myself that I am not a tomboy or a bi-sexual. I’m a girl inside out I am sure of that. I’m starting to agree to what Oprah have said, “The smarter the woman gets, harder for her to find the guy that will like her,” or something like that. So are they seeing me as this really smart woman who is hard to reach? Am I showing them just that that they are afraid to even afraid to consider to ask me out? Hmmm… You know what my aunts said? Maybe I’m a tomboy because I never had a boyfriend and it’s unbelievable that nobody is courting me.
Like duh! Well, somebody did ask me if he can court me but I said no right then and there. Like, why would I waste his time? I know that the courtship wouldn’t go anywhere. Although he isn’t bad looking, it’s just that I don’t like his attitude, his looks, and his kind of music. In short, he’s not my type. So why waste his time right. Hmmm… Maybe he cursed me. If curses are true and if he really did cursed me well he doesn’t have any right! He should even be thankful that I told him to not continue with his plan for it will just be a waste of his time, right?
Why is it so hard to follow a schedule? No matter how I try, I always fail to follow or finish my scheduled activities. I am a supervisor now; I should learn how to stick to the schedule or even the plan. Like last week, I started my shift at 8PM Friday and I went home at 3PM the next day. My goodness, I even out done my manager! I know I have a lot of things to do but I never seem to force myself to finish it on time. I know that it isn’t too much to do for other people in the office are able to do it. Now I feel so incompetent. I am so bad when it comes to delegation, decision making and managing my time. And the sad thing about it is that I know my weaknesses but I can’t overcome them. I really want to make these weaknesses into strengths but I have been doing it for more than a month now at no avail. I’m really disappointed with myself and afraid as well. What if my supervisors will think that I am indeed incompetent? What if they remove me from my position? I really can’t have that. I have a lot of things to take care of and losing my job will definitely make things worse for me.
There was this guy who was a senior when I was in my freshman year in High school who winked at me in our school library. I was with my classmates then and he was staying in the same row of tables where my friends and I were staying. When we got up to go to our next class, I happened to see him and I didn’t realize that he winked at me until I had my back at him. Hmmm… Until now, I’m still wondering if he did wink at me. I was caught off guard because we weren’t close. He was a friend of my older brother and we never exchanged words. And when he goes to our house he never say anything to me. He only talks to my parents and my siblings but not me. When he went to college he studied in Manila. When he came back to our province, he passed by my parents’ shop, he barely looked at me. I wonder, was it just me or there was really something there?
Nah, I guess it was just me. Because if he really liked me then he would have asked my brother where I am now right? I mean he’s back in Samar and we never saw each other since he went back there and my brother haven’t mentioned that he even looked for me. All I heard from the people who knows him is that he’s dating a lot of girls. Well, a lot of girls will really like him now. He’s a hotshot now, established and all. So who would blame him right? If there was something in that wink before, he could have forgotten about it now. So I guess, I should forget about it and besides it could have meant nothing right?
It feels so different being here
I was so used to being next to you
Life for me is not the same
When there’s no one to turn to
Don’t know why I let it go too far
Starting over is so hard
It seems like everywhere I try to go
I keep on thinking of you
I just have a wakeup call
wishin‘ that I have never let you fall
Baby you’re not the one to blame at all
When I’m the one who pushed you away
Baby if you knew I care
You never have went nowhere
And I should have been right there
How do I breathe without you here by my side?
How will I see real love brought me to the light?
Where do I go when in your heart’s where I lay my head?
When you are not for me
How do I breathe, how do I breathe?
We were pretty excited about the news that Sex and the City is coming out with a movie. When it finally came out my gay friend asked two of my male friends to go with him to watch it. After they watch the movie, I asked him what the guys think about the movie. He said that the guys realized that they don’t want to be become girls. I asked why not? He said that after watching the movie, they realized that the girls are very complicated. Hahaha… I could just imagine if they watched the series. Carrie talking about her shoes, Miranda about the guys she dated, Charlotte’s wedding on the rocks and Sam complaining about her sex life. But you know, the story of these girls lives are a bit true. We may not be aware of it but there are girls around us living in the city who have the same worries and the same thoughts.
A friend asked me the other day to help her decide on what she’ll do with her life. This was funny because I myself didn’t know what I want until that day that she asked me. I realized that I want to live in the country or a province and become a cook for a diner. I want to live in Europe and live near a river and have a small garden like the guy who lives in River Cottage. This guy who knows how to cook, made a farm out of his small garden and catches fish from the river whenever he wants to have fish for his meal. Then I can go around the village to spend the afternoon. Hahaha… Isn’t it silly? I guess it is because I want to cook so badly that I dream of doing just that when time comes. I think I’ll do it once my sister finishes school. I’ll apply as a cook for a diner in one of the provinces of England or Norway or Switzerland or France and live there. I wouldn’t care if the pay is not that high as long as it will let me live my dream life and support my family’s needs.
Three of my colleagues and I went out to have breakfast yesterday and we were talking about the interviews that happened last week. We were looking for a number of people to fill slots for some openings in the program and building rapport was one of the requirements. I remember one of the questions that one of the interviewers asked me. She asked me what if I’ll become the supervisor of a tenured team whose members have applied for the position but didn’t make it and one of these members will come up to me and asks me why should he/she follow my lead when they’ve been around longer than I did and they know more than what I know? How will I handle this person? This, my friend is a question that will check on how a person can build rapport with other people. It was like what Ryan Seacrest of American Idol did when he asked David Archuleta to go to the group whom he thinks is the group who are safe. This was the episode when Christy Lee Cook was sent home.
I don’t know if it was scripted but I must admit I was surprised at what Daivd did. He sat down in the middle of the stage. Some people might think that he was playing safe but that is the most ethical thing to do. Other people might have walked over to the group whom they think is the group who made it. See this is a situation in which you can really know if a person does know how to build and maintain rapport with the other people. If you will be in the same situation and you are caught in the middle of the people that you love, it is best to remain in the middle and not to take sides. Let them take care of the problem. Don’t meddle with things. That way you will not hurt anybody’s feeling.
Why oh why do we have to worry about organizing things? Why can’t we do things when we want to do it? Why can’t we just go anywhere we want to go? Why do we need to schedule our activities? Why can’t people meet up whenever they want to? Why can’t they meet up where ever they want to? Arghhhhh… I’m getting tired of this! How I wish things will go back the way it used to. Back when things are simple. Back when people will plant vegetables in their back yard and hunt for food. Back when people can afford to sit around and read books or go on trips to the hills to have a picnic.
How I wish I can have that kind of life even just for a little while, a life that will be so different from the life that I am living now where everything has to go with the schedule, a life that has too many things to do but so little time. My life is a life that you can’t just drop things to do what you wanted to do in a spur of a moment because you have such a limited time. Wahhhh… Why can’t I be like other people who don’t worry about anything? Why oh why did I choose a life and a job that demands a lot and requires a lot of organizing, a life with a lot of deadlines. Why?!
